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Yeah... been thinking about that. [ It's an excuse to turn his face away, pretending to observe the skyline. He's thought about it too much. ]
...He doesn't remember. I tried-
We tried everything. Every test. He believes me, which... I mean, I guess that's kind of amazing.
[ He knows that it is. That it isn't Bruce's fault, that he's only doing now what he'd promised Dick he'd always do for him.
But he doesn't know. He can't know what it was like there, how it felt to be ripped from home with no warning only to be toppled back with no time lost. What it felt like to starve and then have to come home filthy and emaciated and beaten. A living crime scene for Batman to solve. Grounded for months while the answer never came, fighting his own weakened body's slow recovery, his fears for Damian and Rue. For everyone he would never have willingly left behind.
[Damian drops his gaze and he's glad Dick isn't looking at him because it's a pretty big tell. The truth is it had been shocking enough to figure out on his own in Haven and he had never gotten around to talking to any of the others about his discovery. Now he regrets that. Now, he realizes that was a mistake.]
I...Grayson...[He feels nervously suddenly, remembers how there had been squabbles about what information had been tossed around and what hadn't, with all of them. There's a surge of guilt that wells in his chest. He hadn't meant to keep this from him, but he hadn't figured it out until late in the game and then it had never seemed like the right time. It was too jarring for him to wrap his mind around let alone voice it to anyone else.
But it sure as hell might have saved Dick a lot of trouble from the sounds of it.]
Thomas—Bruce and I—we had a conversation once that, well. It led me to believe that it was possible he wasn't our Bruce. [Beat.] It would explain him not remembering.
[He's not upset yet and that's a good sign. It doesn't make Damian feel any better about never having disclosed the information to him while they'd been in Haven considering Grayson's confusion and probable frustration with Bruce's lack of memories, but it does make some of his tension drop away.]
He mentioned having met Kyle already. Others too, like Gordon. People he shouldn't have met—didn't meet in our universe until he was already wearing the cowl. [So when Damian said 'possibly not their Bruce' what he meant was '100% without a doubt not their Bruce.']
I found out shortly before we left Haven behind and I never found a way to bring it up. [With anyone.]
[ The hotdog is tasting like ash in his mouth now, but he goes right on chewing, swinging his legs mechanically in the open air. It's stupid how much it stings to hear that. Somehow all the moreso for how much he knows Damian doesn't want it it to. The reminder of how little he'd been trusted. Of how much Bruce had preferred Damian, when he'd had any choice.
And how could he ever even blame them for that, when he'd been such a stupid, pathetic, useless child? Unworthy of anyone's trust. Unworthy of the task set before Robin, however desparetely he'd fought to make the cut.
It's how Batman sees him now. He knows it is. ]
Forget it. [ He says it firmly, decisively. ] That's kid stuff.
[ He's a teenager now. Nearly grown. He'll show Bruce that too, as soon as he gets the chance. ]
[If Damian knew Dick's thoughts, he would shake him, yell at him about how it had nothing to do with trust and everything to do with his own shortcomings and his own inability to cope with the information. But he doesn't and all he sees is Grayson's anger and so he assumes what is logical, that the anger is directed at him for his deception.]
You're mad at me. [Said as a matter of fact as Damian lets his eyes fall to the distance. He deserves the anger and still he finds himself suddenly tired of it. Haven was beyond screwed up and he'd done what he could and responded to the best of his ability, and yet somehow he'd still messed up at every turn.]
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...He doesn't remember. I tried-
We tried everything. Every test. He believes me, which... I mean, I guess that's kind of amazing.
[ He knows that it is. That it isn't Bruce's fault, that he's only doing now what he'd promised Dick he'd always do for him.
But he doesn't know. He can't know what it was like there, how it felt to be ripped from home with no warning only to be toppled back with no time lost. What it felt like to starve and then have to come home filthy and emaciated and beaten. A living crime scene for Batman to solve. Grounded for months while the answer never came, fighting his own weakened body's slow recovery, his fears for Damian and Rue. For everyone he would never have willingly left behind.
His head tips down at last. ]
I remember. But he doesn't.
no subject
I...Grayson...[He feels nervously suddenly, remembers how there had been squabbles about what information had been tossed around and what hadn't, with all of them. There's a surge of guilt that wells in his chest. He hadn't meant to keep this from him, but he hadn't figured it out until late in the game and then it had never seemed like the right time. It was too jarring for him to wrap his mind around let alone voice it to anyone else.
But it sure as hell might have saved Dick a lot of trouble from the sounds of it.]
Thomas—Bruce and I—we had a conversation once that, well. It led me to believe that it was possible he wasn't our Bruce. [Beat.] It would explain him not remembering.
no subject
[ That's enough to tip his head back up. His gaze zeroes in on Damian, blue eyes wide. ]
Well don't keep it to yourself, pal, share with the class.
no subject
He mentioned having met Kyle already. Others too, like Gordon. People he shouldn't have met—didn't meet in our universe until he was already wearing the cowl. [So when Damian said 'possibly not their Bruce' what he meant was '100% without a doubt not their Bruce.']
I found out shortly before we left Haven behind and I never found a way to bring it up. [With anyone.]
no subject
And how could he ever even blame them for that, when he'd been such a stupid, pathetic, useless child? Unworthy of anyone's trust. Unworthy of the task set before Robin, however desparetely he'd fought to make the cut.
It's how Batman sees him now. He knows it is. ]
Forget it. [ He says it firmly, decisively. ] That's kid stuff.
[ He's a teenager now. Nearly grown. He'll show Bruce that too, as soon as he gets the chance. ]
no subject
You're mad at me. [Said as a matter of fact as Damian lets his eyes fall to the distance. He deserves the anger and still he finds himself suddenly tired of it. Haven was beyond screwed up and he'd done what he could and responded to the best of his ability, and yet somehow he'd still messed up at every turn.]
I didn't know what to do.