robinnest | Truth meme

[ percy does look briefly embarrassed at the question before nico course-corrects, but then he just frowns thoughtfully. the answer might've been one thing a year, two years ago. he would've been pretty confused himself; it's no wonder nico isn't sure if percy ever meant those offers.

but nico wasn't there...well scratch that, he was in tartarus. but not at the same time as percy and annabeth. he doesn't know everything that happened with bob. he knows nothing of percy's encounter with the arai, all those curses that nearly killed him, maybe should've. every reminder percy got of the people he's mistreated.

and the truth is, percy isn't sure he ever treated nico di angelo well enough at all. ]

Nico, I always wanted you to be okay. I didn't know how to make that happen for you... and a lot of things went wrong. [ bianca. percy's certainty that nico was untrustworthy, nico pushing him away. ] I wouldn't say it's weird. It's more like...I'm ashamed.

[ he looks down at their feet, breathes out. this is a heavy answer, but maybe he does need for nico to hear it. he keeps his promise; doesn't express discomfort or anger. ]

You're right, I wasn't sure if there could really be a place for you at camp. Not before the Battle of Manhattan. And when you didn't stay, afterwards, I didn't think enough about it. I'm glad I was wrong, don't get me wrong. You belong here. I just wish I'd seen it sooner.

[I always wanted you to be okay.

I'm ashamed.

You belong here.

Every time Nico thinks he's gotten to a point where he doesn't need to hear anything like that from someone else, something happens to remind him that he isn't there yet. Usually, a bad day, where he wonders if it wouldn't have been better if he'd shadow traveled into oblivion after all. Today it isn't a bad day that sweeps his legs out from under him. Today it's a reassurance from Percy Jackson.

His heart thumps loudly against his ribs, almost painfully and he clenches his fists at his sides. For all that Percy isn't a good fit for him, moments like these make his past feelings seem so reasonable. So logical. How could he have possibly not fallen for Percy when he was like this?]

You were a kid. We were both just kids. [Technically, still are, but not really. Not with everything they've been through. His hands move together, unclenching enough for him to twist idly at the skull ring on his finger.]

I don't blame you for any of that. I don't hold any resentment towards you. [His own voice sounds small, quieter than he wants it to be. He can hear it in Percy's voice, the shame of what he's done. Nico knows the weight of shame. Percy shouldn't have to live that way.]

You don't have anything to be ashamed of. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked this now. I...I'll go.

[ you were a kid, nico says.

but when did that ever matter? gods and monsters and destiny didn't care; zeus tried to kill nico as a child, took out his wrath on percy at only a slightly older age. hades's monsters killed thalia, nearly, at twelve years old. it's bad for any demigod as a kid, but for big three children especially.

i don't blame you for any of that, nico says.

and it means something. it really does.

but percy says, ]

Hey, whoa. You don't have to go anywhere. [ he reaches out like he might grab nico's shoulder or arm, but stops just short -- because he remembers how nico can feel about being touched. ] I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad.

[Nico stops, not missing Percy's catch and all the more grateful for it. He turns back to him, gaze on the ground.]

You didn't. [That's not what he's feeling bad about.]

I just know how shitty it is to speak the truth when you're being forced to and this was bad timing. [His eyes are far away, remembering that stupid day. He doesn't ever want to make anyone feel the way Eros had made him feel and even if Percy said it's okay, he doesn't like not being able to tell for sure.]

[ from what little jason and nico have said about that incident, from how jason treats nico now (protectively), from how thanatos spoke of eros back in alaska -- percy has some guesses about what happened, none of them good. ]

I promised I'd tell you if it was a problem. I didn't; it's not.

[For a moment Nico says nothing before he finally nods slowly. Percy had said that. He'd said it before though and just because it'd been true in the moment doesn't mean it's true now...but Percy says it's okay so, he'll have to believe him. (The curse helps that at least.)]

...okay. [He runs a hand through his hair and lets out a sigh.]

This is such a pain. [The curse and navigating all of their history with it. Between the two of them, they had enough baggage to fill an airport.]

You're telling me.

[ percy says, and his lips twitch. ]

Between you and me, I'm afraid some Aphrodite kid is going to ask my opinion about, like, clothes or something.

[ imagine starting the trojan war 2.0 because someone asked you who wore it better during a truth curse. ]

[The thought hadn't even occurred to him and he cringes, nodding in agreement. Leave it to someone like Drew to use this to cause even more chaos. They fall into comfortable silence for a while and Nico drops his eyes, considering something. Percy had said he didn't have any secrets from him and it's not like they haven't talked things out to some extent, enough to be comfortable around each other, but one talk was one talk. Maybe they needed more.

Maybe Nico could offer more.]

...I'm not keeping anything from you either, Percy. I mean, I don't want to.

...is there anything you want to know? [Nico pauses then, meeting his gaze.] People keep telling me to let others in and you were my first friend. It seems like a good place to start.

[Then, very quickly.] Anything but what happened in...you know. [Tartarus.]

[ maybe it's stupid, but there's an undeniable bloom of warmth in his chest when nico says you were my first friend. there's no question that nico means it, as much as the assertion that he doesn't resent percy, despite everything. maybe there's a part of him that always knew nico was a good kid, that just got...lost and muddled as things kept happening and wars kept breaking out. it manages to catch him by surprise now, but in a good way. not an uncomplicated way — it's going to take time before percy feels like he deserves this grace — but good.

he shudders immediately at that last addendum of nico's, shaking his head without hesitation. ]

Anything but that.

[ is as much a promise as asking for the same in return. those weeks there, the nightmares he still gets, are as much of his life as he ever wants to devote to tartarus. he can't imagine nico doesn't feel the same way.

but then he breathes out, considering the question. is there anything he wants to know? maybe. nico has seemed like an enigma to him for such a long time, first friend or no, and this is a good opportunity to understand. he does want to understand. still, the first thing that comes out of his mouth might be unexpected. ]

Are you happy? [ after a second, he tacks on, ] Maybe not like, right now. [ truth curse, heavy conversation with someone you have a complex history with...not a super joyful moment for anyone, probably. ] But do you think it's getting...I dunno, easier?

[ he's started to learn just what a strange, elusive thing happiness can be. quiet moments sitting with annabeth. listening to grover talk about all the new saplings the satyrs have planted. touching his mom's stomach and feeling the baby kick. passing a class after working really hard to keep up. the small miracles that make the bad days easier to bear. and maybe it's a stupid question, maybe it's not really what nico meant by the offer, but he finds it's what he wants to know most. i always wanted you to be okay. ]

[Shock passes over Nico's features before he can mask it and his gaze flickers away, the question sitting heavily on his heart. Percy's right, it isn't the sort of question he meant, but that doesn't mean he won't answer. Still, even with the truth curse sat waiting on his tongue, it takes him several minutes to form an answer.

Is he happy?

Grief continues to gnaw at his bones. There are days when he wakes and curls onto his side, dragging the blankets up over his head because it's easier than facing the day, easier than trying to fight the voices that slither inside of him and remind him of all of his failures and inadequacies. There are moments when he catches Will Solace's gaze and feels himself desperate to fall back into old habits, desperate to just run from everything building inside of him that he feels helpless to stop.

It's hard. There's pain. Healing is so slow to take. So hard to keep holding onto.

But the grief doesn't ache the way it used to, and when it gets especially bad, he calls Hazel or Reyna, and the sound of their voices drown out the residual pain, not erasing it, but living there beside it. When the days are so hard he doesn't leave his bed, someone comes to check on him. Sometimes Clovis helps to pull him from his worst nightmares, and someone must tell Jason because he calls sometimes, on the worst days. And when he wants to run from Will's warm smile, he doesn't. Nico stays and he fights and he allows himself to wonder and to hope.

Is it getting easier? Yes, a thousand times yes.

Nico is surrounded by friends. He is cared for. He is fighting. Nico is rediscovering what it means to love and allow himself to be loved.

His lips curve up into a barely there smile and he meets Percy's gaze.]

I'm getting there.

[ the truth is, he would've been surprised to get an unambiguous yes. after everything nico's been through? get real. and he has long enough, as nico looks away, to consider what a stupid question it probably was. what an incredibly loaded question it is. and here he is, asking nico at a time when he can't lie and may not even be able to evade. would percy even know how to answer that question? hard to say.

so maybe he's selfish to ask. but that really, really is the biggest thing he wants to know. that nico is healing. that things really are getting better for him. that, maybe one day, he actually will be able to take a question like that and say yeah, of course. maybe not for a long time, but — wouldn't that be nice? it can be so hard for demigods to think about the future when their lives tend to be so short, so the idea of time is a strange one. but not a bad one.

nico does look back at him, finally, and — is rewarded for that answer with the curl of a smile, all earnest warmth. ]

That's awesome, [ he says, and means it. and then, after a breath, he'll add ruefully, ] And that's it for the heavy questions. Well. Except for one.

[ he pauses, dramatically. please imagine a drumroll. ]

Is black actually your favorite color, or do you just really hate trying to match clothes?

[ this is what happens when you give percy jackson free rein to ask you questions. ]

[Nico snorts and some of the heaviness that had crept into him before bleeds away as he rolls his eyes. The barely there smile remains in place though, and his eyes meet Percy's for a moment with genuine affection before the look fades.]

Black is my favorite color and I can match clothes just fine. [It's true because he believes it's true. Whether he actually can, well. Give him a couple years to start buying clothes that aren't black and they'll see.]

Is blue your favorite color because you like water? [It's asked as a joke but Nico pauses in realization. Is Leo's favorite color orange? Is Jason's favorite color also blue? Are they really all parodies of themselves?]

[ mission accomplished. that was exactly the reaction he was going for, and seeing the humor land is gratifying — especially for that brief affectionate look. ]

I'll believe it when I see it, di Angelo.

[ gentle ribbing, really. and then he's rolling his eyes at the question. ]

Ha-ha. My favorite color was blue way before I ever knew I was a demigod.

[Uh huh, sure. He'll believe it thanks to the whole truth curse going around, but that doesn't mean he doesn't suspect godly tampering with their favorite colors. Just because Percy thinks he's telling the truth doesn't mean Poseidon didn't influence somehow. Nico wouldn't put it past him.

He hums softly in response and then goes quiet, unsure how to proceed. It feels nice to be on better terms with Percy and to have gotten some of that out in the open, but they still don't have the easy camaraderie that he knows Percy has with most of the others. Partially at least ecause Nico doesn't really know how to do the whole friend thing. Jason, Reyna, and Will are absolutely the ones carrying those relationships.]

So, uh. How's...school...[He trails off awkwardly, glancing away to hide the light flush in his cheeks. Leave him alone, he's still learning how to talk to people okay.]

Unless you don't want to answer that. [he adds abruptly, remembering.]

[ percy can't help raising his eyebrows and giving nico a look. ]

Man, I can't believe you'd cross over the line like that.

[ but okay, okay. he shrugs. ]

School's fine, I guess. I've got a lot of catching up to do since a lot of my junior year was — well, you know. [ the war with gaea. the amnesia. ] There was only one school left that would take me, but it's way better than no schools. And they've got a swim team, which is kind of cool.

[ yeah, the son of poseidon is on a SWIM TEAM ]

[Nico gives Percy a look like he's looking for the nearest body of water to push him into (although given it's Percy, maybe he should think of something else) and then he snorts rolling his eyes.]

That feels like cheating.

[ immediately, ]

It's only cheating if I use my powers, which I don't. And I make sure never to place first.

[ second, however, ]

[Nico can't help snorting in amusement. Still sounds sus to him—how do you just not breathe underwater, Percy?—but it's also not hard to see that it's something Percy enjoys so he decides to let it go, just this once.]

It sounds fun. [What a wild concept tbh.] Weird.

[He offers him a half smile. He's pretty sure every single one of them deserved a little more fun in their lives. It was a nice change from all of the terror.]

[ it is a nice change from all the terror, honestly. he laughs. ]

Yeah, no kidding. Aside from the whole, [ he waves a hand, ] letters of recommendation thing, my life has been really normal. It's kind of cool.

[ has he mentioned the letters thing. this might be the first time he's mentioning it ~~since the book came out in between us starting this thread and now~~. ]

[He frowns.] Letters of recommendation? [Nico asks, confirming that we're as good at keeping track of the timeline as Rick is. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯]

What are those? [No seriously Percy, this child went to school for like three years in fascist Italy when he was an infant, and then went to a boarding school for maybe a month when he was ten. He doesn't know anything, what's a letter of recommendation???]

[ nico di angelo: has been to tartarus, has not been to normal mortal school, mostly. ]

Oh, yeah.

[ he frowns. ]

Actually, you might have to worry ab —

[ WAIT NO, NICO WON'T, BECAUSE HE WAS BORN BEFORE THE PACT!!!!!!!!!! ]

[ and thalia's a hunter, so...wow, yeah! this rule really does exist just to mess with him, specifically!! ]

[ LITERALLY WHY ]

[ drags his fucking hands down his face ]

Truth meme

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

remember that you agreed to this

my FACE

:)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

6/6

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)