Wei Wuxian | 魏无羡 (
singlelogbridge) wrote in
robinnest2020-08-18 12:06 am
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B Movie Meme

You and yours are noticing how suspiciously familiar this whole setting is. Surprise! You're in a B-Movie. And guess who's the star? Ding-ding. Well, saddle up, grab a knife, run up the stairs - whatever it takes to survive to the end credits.
1 - "Hail to the King, baby": Welcome to being sucked into an alternate dimension with castles and demons and books that try to eat your face off. But that's okay, you've got a shotgun and a chainsaw, right? This... is your BOOMSTICK. Shop Smart. Shop S-Mart.
2 - "I'm gonna need a bigger can of Raid": Spiders, preying mantises, cockroaches, ants... whatever it is that has more than four legs, it's now supersized and about to attempt to move up the food chain. You gonna take that sitting down?
3 - "But the sign says don't feed the animals!": Mother nature is pissed, and she's got the critters of the land riled up and coming after you. Whether it's snakes in a plane, rats being directed by a scrawny bastard with satchels, or genetically altered bats/sharks/sharktopuses, they all want a piece of the OTHER other white meat.
4 - "I vant to suck your bloooood": Some creepy ass mofo in a cape with bad dental work is giving you the eye. Big eyes. With some kind of unibrow shit going on that needs to be trimmed. Plucking isn't just for woman, buddy. Grab a chair leg, or hell, a pencil, and tell him that no means no.
5 - "Maybe you should have taken a left at Uranus": Yep. You guessed it. Space aliens. Weird little green men with big heads and eyes the size of footballs. What's that in their hand? Is that... is that a probe? Oh god, run. RUN!
6 - "The curse of... that thing with the curse on it": Whether you've come afoul of a witch's curse, or you've taken something from somewhere you shouldn't have, you're cursed. Things are dropping on you, that black cat keeps crossing your path, things break just as you touch them. What else can go wrong?
7 - "Braaaaaaaaains": What's a b-movie meme without the obligatory zombies? Whether it's the Dawn of the Dead shambling ones, or the 28 Days Later running freaks of nature that have magically learned how to do parkour, you've got to deal with them. Grab a cricket-bat and your least favorite record and have at it.
8 - "Input. Does not compute. Error. Error": Robots gone wild, weee! Well, as wild as a robot can get. But when you take into consideration that they're no longer listening to you, and have decided that you're a parasitic virus on the face of the earth, you might have to try to give it the ol' reboot. IF you can reach the button...
9 - "There's something touching my leg": Yeah, we've done evil animals, but this is specifically for the 'wtf are you still doing in the water, you goddamn idiot' scenarios. Be it huge crocs, giant anacondas, flesh eating piranhas, there's something in that murky water that wants to get a little more up close and personal with you. Say hi to Cthulu.
10 - "She blinded me with SCIENCE": You should really be more careful with your components. Your experiment has gone awry, either blending you or someone else with some poor critter you had, or some type of virus that's changing them in ways that are VERY NOT GOOD. Now's not the time to remember you didn't fully lock the restraints...
11 - "DRAGONS!": Because dragons deserve a category of their own. Seriously. Motherfucking DRAGONS, yo. And they think you look mighty tasty. And small. And puny. And helpless. Get the goddamn army to show them just how not helpless you are, or die trying.
12 - "Let's do the timewarp again": Either the tagger or the taggee is from the future or the past, coming with a message. Or just a desire to fuck shit up. Go back and kill Hilter, you say? But... I want to go into the future and fly my car around.
13 - "REET REET REET REET REET": Can we say pyscho? Or Mike Meyers? Or Krueger? Or Jason? However you want to say it, there's a crazy guy with a knife/chainsaw/sickle and you're the only thing on their mind. Can you and your tagging partner evade them? Or is your tagging partner the one after you?
14 - "Devil with the blue dress on": Something wicked this way comes. Its favorite numbers are 666, and it likes to drink blood on a moonlit beach. You've woken it somehow, or it was the prophesized time for them to come and claim what's theirs. Namely, you.
15 - "Tremors": Look. If you know tremors, than I don't have to explain this. Just give me graboids and explosions and extensive games of "The ground is lava."
16 - "Wildcard": Don't see what you feel like playing on here? Make it up and go your own way, compadre.
Relationship ideas:
1 Comrade in arms: You and the tagger are in this together. Until the bitter, bitter, bitter end.
2 Enemies: You're tagging in as the antagonist in this little scenario.
3 Unwillingly dragged into this: You were just walking along, minding your own business, when BAM. Now you're in the middle of this mega-crap.
4 Consulting Expert: You're the expert that they're coming to for answers. You got any? HUH?
5 Wildcard: Come up with your own relationship.
[[From Memebells circa 2012 or something ridiculous like that]]
no subject
Hey, I'll have you know Lan Zhan thinks I am a delight. [Not that anyone including Wei Wuxian could possibly hope to explain why.]
And he really does have the patience of a saint. [Wei Wuxian sighs dramatically, resting his chin in one palm.] He used to be so easy to rile, you know? Did you know that when we met we ended up fighting on the rooftops of the Cloud Recesses? Now I can barely get him to blink no matter what ridiculous thing I do.
[Nor get him to falter no matter what kind of dirt their friendship drags Lan Wangji's reputation through. But that's a matter for another time that he doesn't want to think about now. He doesn't realize that his lips have pulled up into a soft smile again, eyes focused on the bowl in his hands as his thoughts turn to his friend.]
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I honestly, don't see how or why for the matter. [ He replies back with snark. He doesn't understand why either. It just seems like they are two vastly different people and yet they get along almost insanely well. Either way, it's none of his business. He's just saying what's on his mind. ]
Huhhhh.... [ He almost drops his chop sticks. ] What?!
[ That entire two sentences makes him partially baffled. It's honestly really hard to believe that Huanguang Jun was easily riled and fought with Wei Wuxian. However, at the same time, it feels like Wei Wuxian probably started the fight. Either way, he's at a loss of words to hear that sort of information. ]
I can't believe what I'm hearing.
[ Really, he's pretty shocked. Still, it looks like the older man is in his own world now. Whatever, it's surprising to hear but at the same time, he can honestly see something like that happening... ]
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Look, I know how everyone thinks Lan Zhan is. So calm and wise and-well, okay he is those things, but he's also a menace. Huge menace. Total troublemaker. Don't let that calm exterior fool you, Jin Ling.
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For that response, Jin Ling chokes on his soup. It takes him a moment to catch his breath and he manages to squeeze out.
Menace-- troublemaker ?! Do you hear yourself? How can you say that about someone like that?
[ His entire image of Huanguang Jun is probably going to be shattered and he will find it even harder to look at the Chief Cultivator in the face at this point. Wei Wuxian! You're so shameless. ]
Sounds like you're describing yourself....
[ Mutter. mutter. ]
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It's totally unfair!]
Listen up, Jin Ling. Lan Zhan is probably the best, wisest, and most righteous cultivator of our generation—friendship with me withstanding, I didn't say he was perfect after all. [He might be, if not for the one mistake he'd made in befriending Wei Wuxian, but he's not going to complain about that. He rather liked that particular flaw of Lan Zhan's.]
But that kind of goodness—the kind of righteous that Lan Zhan is is the kind of righteous that always, always causes trouble. Lan Zhan will stand up for what he believes in no matter what. He isn't going to sit there and politic or try to soothe egos to make people feel better about doing the right thing. He's going to do the right thing—the actual right thing, not just what benefits the great sects—the rest of the world be damned.
[And oh it's going to be so much fun to watch. The other sects really have no idea what they've done electing him chief cultivator and personally, Wei Wuxian can't wait to watch them realize that he won't play their games worth a damn. He snorts and reaches for his tea, grinning now in real amusement.]
Also, [He takes another drink, grin turning wicked] He's petty as hell. Just ask your uncle.
[Well.] Actually on second thought, don't do that. It'll end poorly.
no subject
...
[ Where the hell is this even going at this point? He knows they're friends given the kind of treatment that Wei Wuxian gets from Huanguang Jun, but at the same time, it's still something to wrap his head around. He feels like there's a lot of things he may have missed. Maybe that's why a lot of this is really shocking. ]
W-Well, I suppose that makes sense...
[ No not really but he kind of gets it. There's always that saying, "everything in moderation." Too much right can definitely cause trouble, same with a sense of justice. Then again, isn't the same to be said about the person that's throwing all this exaggerated information at him,t he same? Well, not exactly but he suppose Wei Wuxian has his own form of what is right. ]
Petty?! That Huanguang Jun Petty...?
[Yes, he repeated that. At this point, Jin Ling ceases to consume anything, lest he choke on it again as he stutters out. ] Why would I ask my uncle, and why would that end--
[ He stops. From what he recalls, his uncle really doesn't like Lan Wangji. Jiang Cheng always had a even nastier aura every time Lan Wangji was within his sight. Much as he was when Wei Wuxian was also in his line of sight. He shudders at the thought. Then again, he might just ask because at the very least he'd get a truthful answer from Jiang Cheng. Though, he can't imagine without consequences. He might get yelled at for asking a question, which will then lead to Wei Wuxian, and then-- okay he stops there. ]
Why suggest it knowing how he'll respond?
[ dead pan look. ]
Then again, how will I know you're not making some wild tale just to get a reaction out me?
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Ah, no, I wasn't thinking, you really shouldn't ask him! he'll get mad about it for sure. [The thought of Jiang Cheng's reaction is enough to have amusement pulling at his lips again but he bites it back in an effort to not tempt Jin Ling further.
Full of good food and a sense of lightness, it's easy to forget about the stress of the day. It could almost feel like this was a planned nighthunting trip with Jin Ling, just the two of them spending time together. It warms him to imagine. He stands to clear their empty dishes and immediately regrets it, barely catching himself on the table as his leg buckles beneath him.
Ah. Right. Bad leg.]
Ah...that's going to be very annoying for a while.
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When isn't he mad?
[ He mutters under his breath but he has a point. Either way, he lets that go because he doesn't want to anger Jiang Cheng at the moment. Jin Ling only nods his head, as he finishes off the rest of his meal for the evening.
Eventually, he will be curious enough to ask. It's honestly a really odd thing for him to deal with at the moment. In a way, it feels almost... nice? Something like a warm environment with nonsensical conversations. Hell, he pretty much walked around with an adult on his back for half the night.
This kind of thing normally doesn't happen and his days are usually pretty busy and strict. His frown deepens some at the thought but they are interrupted when he notices that Wei Wuxian got up pretty quickly and the table sort of shifts. He glances the man's way, sighing. ]
No Kidding. [ He gets up. ] I'll take care of it.
[ He doesn't say it too harshly as he takes the task away from Wei Wuxian, keeping himself from saying anything else that may cause Wei Wuxian to get too excited and fall over. ]
no subject
Finally clean and with a full stomach, the exhaustion of the day is beginning to catch up with him, though he is reluctant to go to sleep quite yet. For one thing, it's far earlier than he would usually go to bed, and for another, he doesn't want to let go of this moment. He doesn't know when there will be another like it.]
How have things been in Lanling? The elders aren't giving you too much trouble, are they?
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It is to have a meal after a long day of running around. He obviously wasn't expecting to be as busy as he was with many things. However, despite all that he didn't mind it. In a way, he supposed he learned a thing or two about this person that he spent the entire day with. One being that he is still as overly troublesome with but he also accepts that he doesn't hate the interactions as much as he makes it seem. ]
--?
[ He turns his head back to the older man at his words. ]
It's the usual. There's a lot of things to do and there isn't enough time for it. They're strict, but I can take it. I will prove that I have every right to be the successor. There's no way I will let myself be a joke on behalf of my parents.
[ He replies with confidence. Even if he gets bullied for being young and unruly, he'll prove otherwise. These things take time and he's only a teenager right now making his way to adulthood. He understands there are a lot of things he is still immature about but he can't help that. ]
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They'd be proud of you. [Even as he says it. He knows he's breaking the not being emotional rules again, but it doesn't stop him. Even if Jin Ling gets mad, it was still worth saying.]
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...I'd like to think that...
[ To Wei Wuxian's surprise probably, Jin Ling doesn't really get mad at it. A part of him still thinks about the things that has happened and what he's been told. However, he feels like all of this is pointless since he feels like he's yelled himself into exhaustion at this point. ]
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They would though. He would have been Shijie's pride and joy, she'd have never stopped smiling at her son. And the peacock too, he'd have loved Jin Ling. Wei Wuxian thinks he'd have even been a good father, maybe. Nothing like his own.
His eyes are growing heavier despite the hour (it's barely past 9 now, is he turning into a Lan?) and he lets out a heavy sigh, resigning himself to his fate. The injury and medication are taking their toll and falling asleep on the floor would only make him suffer the next day.]
This stupid medicine is knocking me out. Help me up?
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After all, there have already been explanations for everything. It's still something to wrap his head around and sure he's still mad about it all still, but it's not as upsetting as he originally thought it to be. Give that Wei Wuxian also has done quite a lot for him in the short time they have been stuck together. On top of that, even Jin Ling isn't stupid to notice how cautious he is about anything regarding his parents.
He keeps his mouth shut for a while longer, trappedin his thoughts before he hears Wei Wuxian speak again, changing the topic. A relief for him since the air seems awkward. ]
You should have been asleep a while ago.
[ He sighs, getting up from his seat. ]
Here.
[ He walks over to give him a hand. ]
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Though it's doubtful given his attempts so far.]
Asleep a while ago, do you hear yourself? Who goes to sleep at nine besides the Lan!
[Together they move to the bed and Wei Wuxian takes a seat, his hands going to his hair to begin unthreading his ribbon.]
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Ugh, I don't want to hear this from you. Sick people shouldn't be complaining about getting rest!
[ He replied with a dead pan tone. ]
Plus, the healer at the clinic suggested that there will be bed rest for a few days most. You're already violating the instructions by moving around.
[ He's not getting away with saying he just slept. After all, they both are probably even more exhausted, given how much energy that they spent fighting off the spider monsters. Once, he manages to get the other in bed, he steps back to give the other some space. He should also get ready for bed as well.
There's a day bed across from the bed Wei Wuxian is settled upon and he's going to make his way over there. After all, he doesn't think two people can fit on that other one anyway.]
no subject
It's just a little poison, and anyway it's mostly gone now. I bet I'll be good as new tomorrow.
[He sets his hair ribbon down on the stand next to his bed and pulls his legs up, a mischievous smile slowly rising to his cheeks.]
I seem to remember recovering quite quickly from my last injury of any significance, that time someone very rudely stabbed me.
I was back on feet in just a couple days. [He'd been totally unconscious for an entire day but Jin Ling doesn't need to know that.]
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He said the poison almost killed you. Don't brush it off like it's nothing.
[ He snapped at the statement. He knows this for a fact because he remembers how pale Wei Wuxian looked when he brought him to the clinic and hearing the details of the examination. He's lucky the healer managed to get rid of most of the poison to the point where only some lingered. IT doesn't mean that he's completely recovered though!!!
Jin Ling is also on his merry way undoing his own hair after he snapped at Wei Wuxian to hear that sort of thing com out of his mouth. Without even gracing him with an answer, Jin Ling throws a pillow on the day bed right at Wei Wuxian's face. ]
Look Being stabbed is different from getting poisoned! They're--They're not the same!!
[ Why oh why did he have to bring that up? Jin Ling wants to put that in the back of his mind, but he isn't apologetic for it even if he feels bad about it. He definitely feels bad for doing something out of the pure rush of his emotions but seriously!!! That's not funny Wei Wuxian! ]
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And second, it's very funny, especially with a reaction like that. The pillow momentarily cuts off the laughter that erupts from Wei Wuxian, but only for a moment, and soon enough he's rolling back on the bed he's laughing so hard. Oh jin Ling, why are you such an easy target?]
You have to admit, [he manages, between peals of laughter,] it's—it's actually pretty funny!
You are right though, [Cue more laughter] it's a little different. Stabbing is simpler, I definitely prefer the stabbing.
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Seriously, can this guy be any less serious? He's just overall flustered that Wei Wuxian even brought that up! It was a long while ago and even Jin Ling has put it in the back of his mind. It's not like he did it without a reason. There was a clear reason for it at that time and he felt it was justified. Of course, now a lot of it seems so meaningless... ]
What part of this is funny?! Are you out of your mind!?
[ He shouts back in frustration. ]
Y-You!!! [ Wei Wuxian what is wrong with you!!?? ]
Ugh!
[ There's goes the other pillow STRAIGHT at his face. ]
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Alright, okay, I'm sorry for teasing too much. [He sends Jin Ling a lopsided grin. The laughter has died down, but there's still mirth in his eyes.]
You really don't have to take it so seriously, Jin Ling. These things happen. I'm alright now, aren't I?
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He's not even mad about the the joke. He's more mad about how lightly he's still taking this entire situation. He really can die and it will not be a good feeling for poor Jin Ling who is partially responsible. That and it's not like Jin Ling hates him either. In more ways than one, he's slowly building some kind of relationship, no matter how awkward or ridiculous it seems at the moment. ]
Do you always do this? Treat your injuries, as if they're some joke?
[ He's still shooting Wei Wuxian a look for his apology. He's not accepting it that easily. He crosses his arm with a slight huff for the second part. ]
You can barely stand. Maybe if you actually took care of yourself, then we wouldn't be having this conversation.
[ You also wouldn't have to hear him nag you about your well being because you caused him to be like this! Remember?! ]
no subject
Do you always treat your injuries like they're a joke?
Yes, he does. Always. It's easier that way. Better for everyone. All those times Jiang Cheng fussed, he knew as much as his brother hated it, his teasing set him at ease. Even all those years ago in the cave of Xuanwu, wondering if they'd make it out alive, burning with fever. Even then he'd teased.
Because if he doesn't laugh then someone else will have to carry the weight of his injury. It's always been that way.
Wei Wuxian lets out a long sigh, the amusement dying in his eyes even as he keeps up a weak smile. He doesn't have an answer for Jin Ling. Not one that would satisfy him and not one he's willing to give, so he just waves him off, reaching for the pillows he'd thrown at him and gently tossing them back so that Jin Ling won't be without them.]
Alright, no more jokes, got it. [He says nothing about taking care of himself because he'd change nothing in his actions. If he'd died protecting Jin Ling, than so be it. Maybe it'd have paid off a fraction of the debt he owed him. He should muster another change of topic, but he doesn't have the energy anymore.]
Anyway, I'm tired now, no more yelling at me. Didn't you say I was supposed to got to sleep?
no subject
After all, Wei Wuxian is the one that started this joke. He's going to have to answer to it at some point. Whether it be now or later, Jin Ling will get him to answer because this is stupid. It's dumb and he's pissed. Even if he has hated him in the past, even if he cursed him for various things-- all of that is in the past. He's learned to move past it and frankly, there's no point in being immature about it any longer. The truth is out. He knows everything.
He doesn't even blame Wei Wuxian for any of this anymore. In fact, he most likely will like to say that to his face but that's something he's not ready for yet. Just the same as treating him like a family member, as he knows he's someone close to his Jiang Cheng, and his mother. He's pretty sure Wei Wuxian probably did things like this in the past for his uncle and his mother. He's not a fool.
Jin Ling easily catches the pillows that are tossed his way, sensing the change in the atmosphere rather quickly. Ugh, why is he stupidly difficult to deal with? ]
That's not what I asked you.
[ He stated as a matter of fact. He know he's probably not going to get an answer for this-- or anything particular, but he still says it because he's still upset. ]
Don't turn this on me. You started this whole thing yourself.
[ He huffs in frustration as he the pillows are smoothed over. Of course, he rolls into the bed with the spare blanket up to his face. ]
You can't keep running.
[ He sighs in a low tone. ] You owe me an explanation-- another time-- so go to bed.
[ Jin Ling being Jin Ling is the best way to describe the last of his words. AKA, he will not simply just forget this conversation because it's something he noticed and it's now a concern. Especially, if someone is living this way for however long he has been. ]
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But he is a boy. Just a boy, only fifteen. And for as much as Jin Ling might be determined to get an explanation, he won't be getting one anytime soon. Not an explanation that isn't a clever dodge anyway. Wei Wuxian will find the right way to spin it, he always does, and he knows how to play Jin Ling's emotions for a distraction. It's not something he'd normally do, but on this he'll make an exception.
Jin Ling is barely not a child. The same age Wei Wuxian was right before the war started. He's already had to carry burdens that never should have been his. Wei Wuxian won't give him this to carry too.]
Suppose I did start this, didn't I? [It's thoughtful, and loud enough to be overheard even if he's mostly talking to himself. Wei Wuxian settles himself again, his body feeling like it's been stuffed full of stones. Jin Ling is right about one thing at least, he really did come close to death today, and he can feel how the aches linger.]
Good night, Jin Ling, I'll see you tomorrow.
[And tomorrow, Jin Ling may not forget, but he won't know how to bring it up, and if he does, Wei Wuxian will be ready. Maybe Wei Wuxian does need to talk about it. Maybe it's about time he took a good long look at some of his coping mechanisms. But it won't be tomorrow, and it won't be with Jin Ling. He could never do that to Shijie's son.]
(no subject)